I have a champagne hangover and a mountain of dishes to wash but instead, let us dive headfirst into the shallow end!
-First off, in I HATE EVERYONE news: spooning is sexist now. If you need me I’ll be ripping out my hair, eating it and then moving to the country where there is no internet access.
-But then I’d miss stories like these! Who needs diamonds when you have teeth?!
Yes, I just made you look at a Buzzfeed article. But it’s better than linking to Jezebel, dammit.
-This lady is the most messaged woman on OKcupid and she would like to share her knowledge with you.
The secret is to have EPIC EYEBROWS!! She’s stunning all around but if it was still culturally relevant to say her brows are “on fleek” or even #onfleek then I would say that. But I’m hip enough to know that the kids aren’t saying that anymore.
Sidenote: Whenever my mom referred to herself as “still hip” when I was a kid I was confused because I thought that meant at some point she would not have hips. I was a very literal kid.
-I love everything about this.
-It’s gift giving season! I have a tendency to just give everyone bottles of booze because I wait til the last minute and panic. If I wasn’t the queen of procrastination then I would surely be gifting someone a pair of these epic undies from Bullets and Bees. Golden Girls, Alf, Ryan Gosling, kittens!
-Also on my gift giving list would be every single book by the amazing Chuck Tingle. Do yourself and favor and google image search his name and then die laughing at all his titles. Please do not do that if dinosaur erotica is offensive to you though…
-Meet a mysterious lady who smashes her face into different kids of bread. No, seriously. That’s all she does. I fully support this.
-According to Mtv, the next generation of kids will be known as The Founders. They will also be known as the kids who look frantically at their phones when a credit card company recording asks them to press the pound button because all they see is the hashtag button.
I leave you now with the glory that is Ladybaby.
Good day to you, my V Haggers!