Buy It, fashion, Girl Crush, Uncategorized, Wear It

Buy This: Julie K Lingerie

What could possibly be better than a beautiful redheaded woman hand making lingerie in her Scottish hometown while her adorable dogs lounge near her? Paint me a more enjoyable picture. You cannot. Unless you add whiskey.

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Julie K Lingerie is hand sewn by one lady and one lady only. So in the midst of all this where can I find ethical clothing hullabaloo, she is the perfect person to spotlight. Not only can you have affordable, gorgeous lingerie, you can buy it safely cocooned in the knowledge that no one has suffered for the lacy pretty things that now cover your bits.

I’ve been following Julie for years on social media. It’s been amazing to watch her talent and her business grow. It certainly doesn’t hurt that both her and the friends she uses as models are stunning women with a refreshing variety of body types. I highly recommend following her on Instagram where she re-grams photos of her real customers wearing her creations.

My absolute favorite is the Cristina Bra. Named for the breathtaking Cristina Blackwater (Gogo), it’s simple, delicate and has matching panties to boot.

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Everything is custom made and there are limited amounts of some fabrics. It’s a good idea to follow the IG so you can be kept up to date on what’s available.

The price point is so amazing for hand made lingerie! Pieces ranges from about $40-60.

 

If that doesn’t convince you then perhaps you need to look at this:

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Dreamy undies and puppies. There is nothing better, people. Nothing. Now go forth and order some magic for yourself. Then pat yourself on your fine lingerie clad ass for supporting a small business.

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health and fitness, Wear It

Health Goth Goes Shopping

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I’m working out with a trainer three days a week and I’ve never owned so many sports bras in my life. It’s disgusting. Never did I think I would thrill at the thought of new sports bras but yup, I am now that girl. However, I draw the line at color. You will not catch me in neon anything.
For my first few months at the gym I was wearing old leggings and muscle tees. I saw no point in buying overpriced  clothes just to dump sweat into them and throw them in the wash. And I stand by not spending $90 on yoga pants (ahem, Lululemon). That. Is. Stupid. But I do now understand purchasing clothes that were actually meant to be worked out in. For one, they perform better. Sweat wicking fabrics make your breasts less like suffocating bats during your workout. Your cotton tee just absorbs your boob sweat and then lays on your ladies like…a wet t-shirt… Secondly, if you feel sassy and excited when you put on your workout gear, you’re more likely to get your ass to the gym. I find laying out my gear the night before motivates me to crawl out of the husband and dog fart cocoon that is my bed and get moving.
I’m slowly amassing a collection of black, black, black and occasionally grey workout gear. So why not do a health goth collection every now and again here at VH to inspire myself and other likeminded health goths.
Here’s to working out! So that we can continue to drink too much, bum cigarettes from people, eat cheesy tots at two am and never drink enough water.

J tomson
amazon.com

Under Armour activewear top
$46 – nelly.com

Sports bra
victoriassecret.com

Puma shoes
puma.com

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Hell yes or Hell No

Hell Yes or Hell No: Contouring

As much as I loathe Kim Kardashian, I do appreciate her candid attitude about her beauty routine. If it wasn’t for her none of of would know about the horror of the vampire facial and the weirdness of non-surgical cellulite treatments. We also have her to thank for bringing contouring with make-up into the limelight.

As a former make-up artist, I’ve always known about contouring but have never done it on myself or anyone else for that matter. It was a distant concept that I thought was relegated to the magical pages of Kevin Aucoin coffee table books.

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Now that KK has been tweeting pics of herself contoured, more and more normal girls are trying it and not just for photo shoots. KK’s life is a 24 hour a day paparazzi photo shoot, so apparently she needs to contour every single day. Do regular girls like us? Ehhhh…

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It’s such an easy thing to mess up. If you’re blending the holy hell out of it then you’re going to see the lines. If you blend too much, all the work was for nothing. If Nicki Minaj’s make-up artist can’t get it right, then what are my chances of doing it spot on?

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I’d like to try this on myself. The most helpful step by step I’ve come across so far is this one. There are a gazillion youtube tutorials but I get really impatient and bored while watching those. Plus, I like that this girl is using simple drug store brands that I can pop out and buy to try this look that I will most likely never do again.

This might have something to do with my love of drag make-up. I love the magic that make-up can create. Don’t have cheekbones? Draw some in. Think your nose is too wide? Shadow it and make it look slimmer. But for every day? Meh. I can’t be bothered to paint on cheekbones to go buy dog food.

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Hell yes or Hell No

Hell Yes or Hell No: Pointed Nails

On one of my nearest and dearest, Chloe Dabbles and I were just reminiscing about the days of our youth. Back when Hard Candy blew us all away by offering pastel blue nail polish, the first we had ever seen.

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Chloe started getting acrylic nails in the late nineties and one day she dragged me to the mall to get my own set. Some nice man with a face mask and a drill set to work on my scrubby nails, scrubbing, drilling and polishing until I walked out with pure magic on my fingertips. Lavender acrylics with zebra print airbrushed on them. The height of class and fashion!

The next day at work at the coffee shop I was having a hell of a time pressing the register buttons and operating the espresso machine but every few seconds I had to pause and admire my ladylike new claws. So worth it!

These days, nail art is inescapable but also way more fun than it ever was in the nineties. The invention of Shellac and OPI gel manicures have completely changed the way we do nails.  Designs can last for weeks at a time and the cost is minimal.

I love me some shellac and I’m currently sporting some polka dots on my nails. But I’m still a little boggled by the pointy nail trend.

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Esthetically speaking, they’re cool looking. A little witchy/demon-ish. But much like the ombre lip, how practical is this trend?

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Here are my concerns:

1. Most importantly, are you stabbing yourself all the time?

2. Are you stabbing your fella?

3. Chloe wants to know how going to the bathroom is effected.

4. Are day to day activities a pain in the ass or do you learn to do things in a different way?

I read a book once that talked about women in New York who had lots of money going bare legged in the winter because it implies that they’re rich enough that they don’t have to be outside for long. They’re shuttled around in town cars and ushered into warm buildings. There are no subway rides or hoofing it twenty blocks in the snow. The bare legs are a status symbol.

Are these nails saying the same thing? I can have these ridiculous nails that inhibit my life because I have enough money and clout that I don’t have to have a regular job that might require me to push buttons, wear gloves, work a register or touch anyone? Is that it? I’m confused.

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Hell yes or Hell No

Hell Yes or Hell No: Flower Crowns

This post shall prove, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that I have no business writing any sort of fashion blog. Once a trends has reached the bodies of suburban teenagers in Ohio, who then post photos of themselves wearing said trend, that trend has officially died. Yet, I was not aware of the trend to be discussed until two days ago.

The other day while helping my lovely friend, Kailtin, set up a blog (apparently I know way too much about wordpress), I stumbled upon an instagram account full of flower crowns. Yes, I was helping Kaitlin but also on instagram. I’m a multi tasker with the attention span of Lindsay Lohan.

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All hail Jeffree Star!

The instagram I found was for Karbie Ben, a new accessories company that only started in February 2013. They seem to already be having great success and are charging up to $62 for a crown.

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A quick search on tumblr revealed that this trend has gone off the charts popular over the last few months, to the point that 12 year olds in soccer tees are even sporting them. Most people are smart enough to make their own. It’s not hard, people. Buy the nice fake flowers at your local craft store and do it your damn self. That said, were I to place a table centerpiece on my head such as the one above, I would probably buy one from Karbie Ben. For one, I would end up hot gluing my fingers to my face trying to make my own and for two, I like supporting people who make money off of random shit.

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I haven’t seen anyone rocking this look in Portland but it’s still pissing rain here and a sopping wet flower crown ain’t cool. This trend will probably be a dead beaten horse by summer but if not then there will surely be girls here galloping around with crop tops, long skirts and flower crowns.

Kaitlin told me I should wear one. To work. Ha! Though I did go through an extreme…extremely extreme…fake flower wearing stage at 19, I don’t think I would do it now. I’m not that cool.

I think on the right girl this trend is pretty adorable. The right girl being a ridiculously attractive, thin and very stylish girl. Those girls can pull off wearing petrified shit as a crown. I’m sorry. I don’t make the rules. This is just how the world works.

I do believe this will go the way of feather hair extensions, which I wore the hell out of until I saw soccer moms in the malls of San Diego strutting around with them in.

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Quite frankly I still quite like the way these look but they seem taboo right now. Like having a a tongue piercing. You’re the kid that never got the memo that the cool has worn off. But give it another six months and I could see them coming back. 

Let’s have a poll. Why not, eh?

And sure….

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Wear It, Work It

I Want To Be A Real Girl

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Every girl has dreamed of having Cher’s closet from Clueless. A closet that lets you see an outfit on yourself and tweak it without every having to get out of your PJs. In lieu of that, since scientists are too busy curing AIDS and growing bacon in a lab, I need a system that’s more man powered.

Am I the only one that has no go-to outfits in my closet? I rarely put together the same clothes twice. Usually this is because in retrospect I hate what I put together or I was drunk when I did so. That’s not a good sign, eh?

I’m not very a good at being a girl sometimes, in spite of my love of drag queenesque amounts of make-up and obsessive hair fuckery. Do real girls have practice nights for themselves where they try on a bunch of shit in varying ways so that they have an arsenal of cute go-to outfits?

My main source of stress on work days isn’t tackling a twelve hour shift, it’s laying in bed with gut panic over that fact that I never have any clue what I’ll be wearing that day. My desire for the snooze button always wins out over carefully picking out something that I won’t hate. Dammit.

Part of the problem could be my habit of buying whatever I like when I go to a store. Throwing things on willy nilly, never with an agenda or an idea of what will go with what I already own. I hear that real girls actually consider these things. Like, do these teal oxfords go with any thing that I currently own? No, they do not. I bought them anyway because someday  I MIGHT own something they will work with!

While I very much doubt that I’ll be motivating myself into dress rehearsals, I am loving The Polyvore Collection for gathering together a ton of inspirational outfits for me to draw from. I actually have a vague idea of what I might wear tomorrow for work. How refreshing! I spent the better part of an hour scrolling through and picked out a few favorites.

 

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Hello summer. I want bra tops and long skirts and the balls to wear them.

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And lots of shorts. Lots.

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If I was even remotely classy, I would love to wear this. I’m mildly obsessed with white pants but I know I would mess them up two seconds after leaving the house.

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I’m totally wearing this to work tomorrow. Except my shoes are  teal.

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Love, perfect, ugh, that hat, want.

Is anyone out there a real girl who can help me have a better organized and productive closet? I need pointers!

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Hell yes or Hell No

Hell Yes or Hell No: Ombre Lips

Ombre is the horse that we cannot stop beating. The horse is now just a stinking, gooey pile of flesh but we are still beating the ever loving shit out of it.

Ombre hair, ombre nails, ombre lips, ombre clothes. Kim Kardashian’s unborn child is ombre.

I’m not saying that I hate it. In fact I downright love me some well done ombre hair. Still. I am beating that horse. But there is so much room for error when people see something on pinterest and decide that they can do it at home.

I’m not even going to start with the amount of terrible that comes from trying to ombre your own hair. No matter how many youtube tutorials you watch, you will mess it up. You will look like my uber tough best friend in eighth grade who wore flannel pajama tops as shirts and let her Sun In blonde  grow out of her black hair.

I have a bone to pick with ombre lips. They’re everywhere on beauty blogs and instagram and they’re totally gorgeous.

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Derr, I love them.  But how practical are they for the every day girl? They look bitching in photos but how would they fare at the grocery store? Or even at the bar? How does one guzzle whiskey without smudging up the ten different colors on her lips? A straw? Oh….

Much like the epic ombre hair screw ups, ombre lips are easily turned into a shitshow by at home make-up artists.

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NO. You’re doing it wrong.

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NOOOOOOOOOO.

I haven’t tried this on myself for several reasons. One, you need luscious ham lips to pull this shit off. Two, I’m too lazy. Three, where’s my cocktail?

What can we ombre next? My dog? Ombre spray tan? Ombre contacts?

The sad thing is I can actually see those last two happening.

OMBRE PUBIC HAIR.

Make it happen, Los Angeles.

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